reason for being

What is your reason for being? Have you figured it out yet? It's not a very simple question. As a matter of fact, it's not simple at all. Most people spend their entire lives looking for the answer. And they never find it...

However though, there are the exceptionally auspicious few that actually understand their reason for existence. Whether it be helping others, spreading their beliefs or even simply living life to the fullest. I envy this rare breed. Their lives make sense now. They've figured out what they're supposed to do, and now they just need to figure out how to do it. Or perhaps they've already done what they needed to do.

Is finishing college, getting a good job and living a comfortable life sufficient for me? I think not. I can't feel fulfilled until I've accomplished something truly amazing. I just hope that day will come, either sooner or later.

faith & hope

From Dictionary.com
Faith is...
1. Confidence or trust in a person or thing
2. Belief that is not based on proof

I like to test the people around me. How do they see me? How much do I really mean to them? By that I mean I purposely hurt the people around me. I just want to see how long they'll put up with my inconsiderateness and selfishness. I'll always start a relationship with anybody by being nice to them. After a certain period of time, I turn on everything they say or do, sometimes even both. I know it's harsh, but it's just my way of finding out the truth. You know how some people need to make sure the stove is off, they check and double check before they go out. And some people need to brush their teeth after every meal. Well, this is something like that. However, in a much more twisted kind of way. haha

Anybody know what I'm talking about? If you do, then you now know why I do it. I apologize if my actions have upset anyone.

So far, I've been truly amazed by the responses I'm getting lately. I feel very much loved and wanted. =D I don't understand why they have all this faith in me.

Now that we're on this topic, how about a piece of yarn? One of my dear friends has been getting quite a few remarks concerning me. Negative remarks if I may add. The person letting her in on all this 'dirt' is someone she's known her entire life and I'm sure she cares for very much. My relationship to her resembles a single ray of sunlight compared to the aurora she has with this other person. Despite all that, she still chooses to believe me. She tells me what she's heard and asks me for confirmation. I honestly deny every single one of these lies and to my astonishment, she full heartedly believes me. Until today, I still have no idea why she has so much faith in me.

Faith is good. The feeling it gives someone knowing another has so much of it in you knocks rainbows and birds chirping in the morning off the charts. It gives one complete and utter hope. =)

what's your cause?

First off, I’d just like to say sorry to Mel for completely ripping off her title. *sorry beautiful, you know I love you* It’s just that it has so much meaning, and I immediately fell in love with the entry.

So what is your cause? Do we even have any purpose in this life? Sure we do. It’s just a matter of figuring out what it is. I’m certain that many in this world have come and gone without ever knowing for sure their reason for being. I would consider myself to be one of the lucky few if I ever figured out what mine is. Whenever that may be. Not to mention the fact that day may never even come.

The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.

-Eleanor Roosevelt

Following the footsteps of Mel *an extremely sexy beast*, I asked one of my closest and brightest friends a very personal question; what are you passionate about? After about a minute or two of his silent pondering, he looked me square in the eyes, and replied in a firm and steady voice: love. I was honestly quite flabbergasted by this. His answer was undoubtedly far too momentous for someone of his age.

After about another minute or so of utter silence, he took out his phone and started to text someone. I then remembered that he had recently started a relationship with a girl. I thought about it for a while and felt somewhat vexed. I couldn’t help but I was starting to feel affronted by what he said. How could he undermine such a compelling question?

I guess he saw the exasperated look on my face and told me he knew I disliked his response. *DUH!!!* He smiled, chuckled a bit and begun to clarify himself. He explained to me the true importance of love as he saw it. He told me that love was all that mattered in this world. The feeling of being wanted and cared for was far more important than the typical teenage dream: a big house, an expensive sports car, and a shit load of cash to blow away. Oh, and not to mention the beautiful Miss July at your disposal. =P He also cunningly elucidated that his answer had nothing to do with his new girl friend *whoops*. He then told me he strongly believes that is the reason he was brought into the world. To be loved, and to give love in return. Be it family, friends, a lover or even God.

Me being me, did not agree with a word he said *haha*. However, that didn’t matter. What did matter was the fact that I knew everything that came out of his mouth was genuine and directly from the heart. He promptly went up a few notches on my list, and gained a new found respect from me.

It’s great to figure out your purpose in life. However though, what’s really important is to understand that different people see things differently, and that doesn’t matter. Not even the slightest bit. What does matter is that you pursue and exploit what you believe in as best as possible. Let it be religion, love, or something you truly enjoy doing. At least that's what I think.

the way i am

Since birth I've been cursed with this curse to just curse,
And just blurt this bezerk and bizarre shit that works,
And it sells and it helps in its self.

To relieve all this tension dispensing me,
Sentence is getting it,
Stress has been eating me recently,
All through this chest and I rest to get peacefully,
But at least have the decency in you to leave me alone.

To not come and speak to me,
I'm not what your friends think,
I'm not Mr. Friendly,
I can be a prick,
If you tip me my tank is on empty.

But I'm glad cause you feed me the fuel,
That I need for the fire to burn,
And it's burning and I have returned.

Now I'm grabbing my hair and I'm tearing it out,
You've been driving me crazy, I can't take it,
I'm racing, I'm pacing, I stand and I sit.

diamond in the rough

Friends. Someone once told me it's God's way of apologising for family. I think that's kinda funny *haha* Hundreds of different names are going through my mind currently. However, the truth is, there aren't many people I can honestly refer to as a friend. Acquaintances is a much suitable word.

From Simple English Wikipedia
A friend is a person that someone likes or knows. People who are friends talk to each other and spend time together. They also help each other when they are in trouble. Friends are people that can be looked up to and trusted. A friend is one who admires a person's skill and helps or encourages them to make the right choices.

It turns out I'm a very good friend to many people. Sadly enough, not nearly as much people can return the favor. I have noticed this in the past few months. A person I can truly call a friend, and myself, have been silently observing other 'friends' and not many people make the cut.

We notice that we tend to have more 'friends' when we have something not everybody can get their hands on. The minute everyone gets a piece of it, they vanish. Nowhere to be seen until the next great thing. And their absence just kills you when you need them the most.

Many of our 'friends' are also two-faced. They say one thing to either of us, and another to the other. We figured out that most people are happier following the crowd rather than standing up for what they believe in, even though it's their friend's loyalty they're betraying. There's also a sign of envy within friends. It's almost like they don't want you to succeed if they're not confident in themselves to do better. Why can't people just be happy for each other's achievements?

A friend of mine recently flew off to continue his studies abroad. He was quite a wealthy guy and never cared about spending money on 'friends'. Not only did he give out money, he also invested an abundance of faith in his 'friends'. And when the time came that he needed all of us by his side, only a few of us showed up. He didn't say anything of it, but the disappointed look on his face gave it away.

There is someone I have known for a really long time now. I had always been there for him when he needed me. Even if it was the smallest of things, I wouldn't hesitate to lend a hand. Not too long ago, I was severely ill and alone at home. I needed food but was in no shape to leave the house, not to mention drive. I picked up my phone and gave him a call. It turned out he was nearby and was about to leave our housing area to go to Hartamas. I asked him to pick up some food for me before he left. I didn't really catch much of what he said, but it turns out that he's late and I'm a nuisance for asking him to execute such a heavy burden. I was extremely upset with him for the longest time. I can never forget it, but I try to ignore it.

As sad is it may seem, I have concluded that only a small percentage of the people I know truly deserve to be cared for.

Don't get me wrong now, I am very happy with my life at the moment. However, this perplexity will continue to fog my mind.